I’m in the middle of busy season here at the studio…and I mean BUSY. I’m talking living on coffee, no sleep, and haven’t fixed my hair in two weeks kind of busy. My house is a mess, the studio is a mess, and I’m actually loving every minute. I’m enjoying spending time with my amazing clients and friends doing exactly what I love.
I’m putting aside my editing and mile long to-do list to write this letter to you. It’s weighing heavy on my heart today and I really feel like it’s something you need to hear.
Every day I interact with sweet moms who have kids of all ages. You spend so much time putting effort into your photo shoot. Coordinating the perfect outfits, making sure your kids get great naps, begging your husband to cooperate. I see you, and I’m so thankful for that effort. As your photographer I want nothing more than for you to love and cherish your photos. I want them to last forever and I want you do adore them forever, and the most rewarding part of this job is hearing how much you love them.
But, lately it’s been difficult for me to hear how hard you’re being on yourself. Here are a few things I’ve been hearing over and over the last month in different shapes and forms:
“I have been wanting to book a shoot with you, but I’m trying to lose ten pounds first.”
“Please, photoshop me as much as you can!”
“I couldn’t find anything that looked okay on me so I decided not to be in them.”
“Please hide me behind the kids as much as you can.”
“I will love the pictures as long as I’m not in them!”
“I love my pictures, I just wish I was not in them.”
“I get so stressed out when it comes to pictures.”
I see the panic on your face when I ask if you want to be in a photo. I even had a sweet mom tell me today that she absolutely loved her pictures and was recommending me to everyone she knew, but she had a major breakdown about the pictures she was in because she hated how her body looked.
Here’s what I want to say to you:
Mommas…..please give yourself some grace.
As an artist, I study you in detail. I think you are beautiful. Absolutely, breathtakingly beautiful. But, I think we are talking about two different versions of beauty here. I’m not talking about your perfect outfit or your perfect body. What I see is the way you love your kids. The way you have so much patience and the way they look at you and giggle. That is so much more beautiful than perfect hair or make-up.
Sometimes they cling to you and don’t want to be put down. You get frustrated. I always assure you it’s okay. I love seeing how safe they feel in your arms and when they snuggle into you, I pretty much melt. (Even if it is totally messing up your hair.) Their drool on your shirt? Yes, of course I can photoshop that. But should I? You’ll miss that one day, you know. They adore you.
No matter hard you try, your photos will not be perfect. Life isn’t perfect. And that’s the beauty of photography – capturing the messiness of life as it comes and as it actually is. Because messy or not, you’ll never get those moments again.
And please hear me when I say this. In ten years, you will not look at these photos and wish you were ten pounds lighter. You will be looking at how little your baby is in your arms and wishing you could jump right back into that moment when they needed you so fiercely. You may even think how great you looked with less wrinkles and wish you could go back to that too.
In twenty years, when your sweet baby is grown they will look back and cherish these pictures. They won’t care about the outfit or what you weighed but they’ll be grateful they have something to remember how great of a mom you were to them.
Someday you’ll be gone and your great, great, great, grandchildren will see how much they resemble you and be so thankful for the legacy you left. This is the true beauty of a photo.
And let me just say, I’m speaking to the choir here. I’m not a mom yet, but I’ll be the first to admit I try to be perfect. In a world of social media and instant gratification with likes and comments, it’s hard not to be hypercritical of yourself.
So please, moms.
You literally made a human with that body of yours. Be easy on yourself. Give yourself grace. Take the pictures, even when you don’t feel your very best. Love the pictures, even when you don’t look your very best. You are more beautiful than you’ll ever know.
I promise you won’t regret it.
Love this – it’s so very true! As a mama and a photographer myself I have to remind myself to get in the frame and do exactly as you said … give myself grace. I will forever see things I wish I could change about myself, but the beauty of it is your children (and likely your spouse) don’t see those things at all. What they see is the love you share, which can be captured so beautifully by a talented photographer. To all the mamas out there … get in those photos and have fun! Someday you’re going to look back on this time and be so thankful that you extended yourself some grace and did it because you’ll treasure those memories for the rest of your life!
This is so true. I needed to hear this. Thank you
As a fellow photographer and a mom myself ..I LOVE THIS!! Thank you for what we all needed to hear!
i was like this when i had my 7 children. i have maybe 3 really bad photos and looking back i was beautiful, now i’m old and i tell you it doesn’t get better. so sadly when my children came to me for photos of the family for school projects and what not, well we had none, yep we don’t have one family photo of us all together. so i just say to the moms, don’t be like me and regret that for the rest of your life. any photo is better than no photo, and when they all leave there’s only those memories for you to cherish.
THIS!!! So much this! I’m sharing your sweet open letter now! I’m a fellow Okie momtog & want to say THANK YOU so much for your encouragement. I could not agree more with you! 🙂
Thank you so much for sharing this! I am a photographer too and a mama to two sweet boys! More times than not I think oh I wish my double chin wasn’t hanging out in every photo!! But I literally am editing a family session now and guess what?? The mom has one and I literally thought I love her double chin! It’s so natural, it’s her, it comes out when she laughs and shows her joy! I will be sharing this blog post on my Facebook page! It’s great!!! 🙂
This is beautifully written! As a photographer myself, I hear these dar kinds of comments too and they make me sad. Thank you for bringing this up ?
I couldn’t express this sentiment any better myself! I hear the same things and it makes me so sad. Thank you for sharing your thoughts!
May I share this? It is perfectly written and 100% spot on!! Bravo! I️ hear this from almost every mother and it breaks my heart too! ❤️
Just started crying as I read this! Such a needed reminder! Thank you for writing this and being so encouraging! So thankful you are able to capture all the candid moments! I know we will be forever grateful for them!
What a lovely post! Women are hard on themselves. I know, I’ve done all of the above all my adult life. Even when I was thin! How crazy was that?! And now, at almost 53, I don’t have very many pictures of myself with my children. And that is a huge regret! Keep on encouraging those women. They need to feel loved and accepted, at any age or weight!
Beautifully said! I try to tell my clients this all the time. Thank you!
My husband and I used to do photography and I am picking it back up. He passed away at age 32 just a couple of years ago. Our kids were 5 & 6. He was usually the one behind the camera, therefore we don’t have a ton of pictures of him. As our kids age, their memories of him will fade. It’s heartbreaking to think that I don’t even really have many pictures to help keep the memory of him alive for all of us. My perspective has changed so much with photos. I want to be in all of them with my kids and I want to snapshot every moment we have so we can capture that memory forever. Make-up-less, Bra-less, overweight….none of it matters. Our kids know what we look like on a regular basis. A picture does not change that. They see us at our worst and still want us. I want them to know that being present with them is more important than the image of myself. Give them the gift of memories with you.
This was fantastic! As a professional photographer myself and a Mom, I understand this completely. I may share his with my customers as it is so well written… and so very true. Thank you for letting your heart speak and take the time to write this. ?
Lost my mum 3 years ago and we barely have any photoss of her with us as kids. I’m trying not to make the same errors with my kids.
First of all I would like to say fantastic blog! I had a quick question that I’d like to ask if you don’t mind. I was interested to know how you center yourself and clear your thoughts prior to writing. I have had a hard time clearing my thoughts in getting my thoughts out there. I do take pleasure in writing however it just seems like the first 10 to 15 minutes are generally wasted just trying to figure out how to begin. Any suggestions or tips? Cheers!
I sure wish I had read this 5 years ago!! Thank you so much for writing this!!!
What a beautiful and needed post. I’d like to add something we can find grace for:
How everyone looks, having perfect outfits, hair, etc.
I’ve stressed over this far too much. In the end, it’s important that we look like US! Our real family. Not the, not in reality Instagram/Pinterest version. Just be real.
Thank you!
I’m blown away with the timing of finding this post. Tomorrow marks four years since my mom has been gone. She HATED photos of herself. The last photo shoot we had together was when I was a baby. She refused to be in the photos with her grandson and I. I know that she would probably regret that now. I know what it’s like when your mama doesn’t want to be in photos. I made a promise to my son that no matter what, no matter how much I hate how I look, I will be in any photo he wants me to be. This isn’t about me. It’s about him and his memories of me. Thank you for posting this.
Thank you so much for writing this. I really needed to read it. I’m crying now! I had family pictures taken a month ago, and I’m just not happy with my weight these days…I told the photographer about 5 times to Photoshop me as much as she wanted, slim me down, edit out any imperfections. But you’re so right…when I look back at earlier shoots (when my 2 year old was younger), I hardly notice my weight. I am astonished by how tiny she is, her gummy little smile, etc. We moms are so consumed with how we look…but our babies aren’t. They love us for who we are, and it’s so important to get in the frame. I saw a quote on Pinterest….”one day all your children will have will be photos of you. Be in them.” It made me cry, and it’s what made me book the 2 year photos even though I wanted to lose some weight first. Thank you for posting this.
I just read your open letter on CHRI ! Thank you so much for writing that article . As Moms we can be hard on ourselves…I will think twice the next time I take pics with my children.
Wow, wonderful blog layout! How long have you been blogging for?
you make blogging look easy. The overall look of your web site is fantastic, as well as the content!
So beautifully said. Brought tears to my eyes. Every Mother is special and beautiful in her own unique way. When your children see your picture with them , they only see the love you have for them. Remember; it’s about making lasting memories,!!!